Do It For Her
by turtlesgorawr
Summary: During Clare's recent Cancer diagnosis, Eli has some of his own thoughts and fears that plague his mind as her illness and their new reality begins to sink in.
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note: Alright, this is my first story guys. This was a quick drabble I did last night right after watching the episode. I was disappointed that we didn't get much of a reaction from Eli, but here's my interpretation of him dealing with Clare's cancer and was inspired by next week's promo! Hope you dig!**

Since arriving back in Toronto it was near impossible to tear Eli away from Clare's side.

True, there _were_ times he'd leave, but it was never for long. There were very few exceptions:

He would go out and bring her back better food if she had the appetite for it. He had brought some of her favorite books, along with some new titles he thought maybe she'd like from the library. If she didn't have the energy, he'd gladly read out loud while she rested in bed.

He had brought her flowers and her favorite movies (and watched every single one without a hint of criticism, by the way).  
(Okay, only slight criticism).

He never left during the nights. He was content with sleeping in a chair.

Anything to make her life easier, he would do it.

But, he knew couldn't make _everything_ easier.

Earlier that day when he had returned from picking himself up more clothes and breakfast, she wouldn't see him. Not maliciously, but rather in embarrassment and shame.

She had shaved her head completely rather than watching it fall out in clumps in the shower and as she brushed, as advised by the nurses, but she hadn't wanted to see him—or rather, she didn't want _him_ to see _her_.

He had caught a quick glimpse though, and it was enough to make his heart break. She was still beautiful, always so; but it did make everything feel more real than it had been since she began treatment. She looked the part of a cancer patient, the ones Eli would see in commercials about donating to cancer funds but never batted much of an eyelash to. Realization to their new reality came crashing in all at once, and it was enough to make him physically ill.

He accepted her wishes, deciding to give her space for now, and turned on his heels to leave. But mostly because he didn't want her to see him cry.

The sticky Summer air hit his skin as soon as he stepped out of the cool Hospital, and during the walk back to his car Clare hadn't left his mind. Cancer, Chemotherapy, the utter grief and heartache in Clare's voice—it echoed until he just couldn't take it.

When he got into the car, it was as if it all came crashing down all at once. The heaviness in his chest and shoulders was enough to make him physically sink forward into his arms as they folded over the steering wheel of the car. He sobbed hard into his arms, and they quickly became wet with his tears. He clenched the wheel so hard in his hands he knew his knuckles went white, but he paid that no mind. He only felt sadness and grief and anger, and everything around him seemed to fade.

Of all the people around them, it _had_ to be Clare. She was always so kind and _good_. She was compassionate, she was bright, she was always caring of others; she was innocent with enough hard times on her plate in the past couple years that it just seemed downright _wrong _and_ surreal_. It was just a reminder at how cruel reality was. No matter how good of a person you are, tragedy pays no mind.

He would switch places with her in a single heartbeat if he could.

Sucking in a breath Eli slowly sat up and leaned back against the seat. He gave a heavy sigh, trying to get himself together but found that the more he tried to calm down, the more tears ran down his flushed cheeks.

She was dying right before his eyes, and he couldn't get the thought out of his head. He knew the survival rate was more than half, but there was still the tragic thirty percent that hung over his head. He tried not to think of it—he tried ever since he came home from New York. He knew what cancer meant, knew all the emotional and physical agony that came with it-but he didn't want to think about the obvious: the possible tragic outcome, he shook it off every chance he could. It was hard to think about, and at first he hadn't. He was numb when he first heard her news. They hadn't sunk in that night in his room, or on the plane, or the airport. Even as he cried into his father's shoulder before he headed to the hospital on the morning of his arrival, it still hadn't processed to its full effect.

Now, it wouldn't cease.

He leaned against the bathroom door of his parents' house, inhaling a deep breath that shook slightly with raw emotion. His eyes immediately welled up with hot tears, but he kept them at bay, and quickly wiped them just before they fell.

_Don't think about the negative. Be strong. Do it for her._

Do it for her.

He stood in front of the mirror and ran his hand through his thick dark locks. He slowly brought his hand away and moved it to the drawer without breaking his gaze in the glass. Shuffling through the square space, he pulled out a razor.

_"I don't want you to see me like this."_

His lower lip trembled as he heard the tears in her voice ring over in his head, again and again. He closed his eyes and switched the razor on with a flick of his thumb. He took one last look at himself in the mirror, razor buzzing in his grip.

Chunk by chunk his hair fell in brown clumps onto his shoulders and to the floor below around his feet until the last one fell. He then ran his hand over his now bald scalp.

Now they were equal.

Anything to ease her pain, he would do. He'll make her see she's not alone, and she'd never have to be.

Not while he was around.


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note: Okay so I had one chapter left in me because I already started it around the same time as the first and previously only chapter but I didn't like it at first. With some tweaks I'm a little more satisfied, but this is the very last chapter you'll get from me for this story. I figure I may as well wrap up where the first chapter left off, so, happy reading! Let me know what you think!**

There was a swift knock at the hospital door, not that Clare was surprised. All day nurses were coming in and out, and it was quickly growing tiresome. In a place for rest, it was impossible to get any with constant interruption and checkups. Giving a heavy sigh, Clare didn't look up from her book. "Come in," She said tiredly, and instead of a usual nurse or doctor or her mother Eli stood at the door. She still hadn't noticed, but when she noticed a dark clothed figure from over the novel she could tell precisely who it was, and she looked away.

"Hey," Her voice was almost a whisper while adjusting the cap on her head, and he responded with a halfhearted wave.

"Hi," He replied, just as soft. She didn't meet his eyes, but from the corner of her vision she noticed his hood. She furrowed her brows in curiosity at how he could be wearing his hood up, and as if reading her mind he pulled it down revealing his newly shaved head. Clear hadn't even noticed his lack of hair with the way he kept his head down when he first stepped into the room. She let out an audible gasp as she looked up and he gave a half smile, rubbing his hand over his scalp.

"It's actually pretty breezy, not so bad in the summertime," He said with good humor, smiling back at her shocked expression.

She hopped out of bed, shocked. "Eli your _hair_—"

"Where?" He joked, and as she gave him a tired look his smile quickly faded, and he shrugged his shoulders. "If you don't have hair neither will I," Eli said, as if it were the truest thing he knew.

Her expression softened, and she was quiet. "You didn't have to," Her voice again was soft, and she peered up at him.

"It wasn't about having to do anything." Again, Eli's tone was matter-o-factly, and this touched Clare's heart. "I told you we were going to fight this together, and I meant it."

She gave a small sigh, her gaze moving to the floor. "I know that."

He watched as she fiddled nervously with the cap on her head, one he recognized as one of Adam's.

"I just don't want you to be embarrassed. It's just me."

She shook her head. She knew he was trying his best, but he didn't understand.

"It's not just about _that," _She said, desperate for him to comprehend her words,_ "_I just…The more I look in the mirror like _this_—" She ripped the cap from her head, angry though not at him, revealing her fully shaven head. It was the first time he had seen her clearly like this, but he made no visible reaction. She tossed it to the couch"-the more I see a dying girl staring back at me. It's not just you, it's—_everyone_. When Drew saw me he literally _yelped_ and wouldn't stop gawking. I know he didn't mean to, but," She shook her head, pressing her lips together as her eyes grew wet. "And it's only going to get worse and _worse_ and I'll look…" She paused and sadly shrugged her shoulders again, looking up at him with a distressed bitter smile. "..More and more like a cancer patient until I'm sickly and trying not to throw up constantly from the chemo until I either make it out of this stupid room or I die in it; I don't want you or Adam or my mom or anyone have to see me get _sicker_ and _sicker-_" She barely made it to the end of her sentence before she began to crumble, the anger in her tone diminishing. She made movement to throw herself into Eli's arms but he already engulfed her into an embrace. She sobbed hard into his shoulder, trembling, and she hadn't noticed it at first, but she could feel is body shaking against hers. She felt a wetness of her shoulder, and as she heard a sniffle and a quick intake of breath she knew he was trying hard not to cry. It was clear his resistance was pointless, and knowing he was caught Eli only held onto her tighter. He planted only a few small kisses to her neck as some why of comfort, but he knew nothing he did could bring her out of this state of mind fully. It was something she had to do on her own with time and faith, but that didn't mean he couldn't assist.

He pulled away at last, his teary eyes staring back at hers and he moved quickly to wipe the tears from her pale face. "We can all understand it if you feel uncomfortable, no one expects you to be completely fine. It takes time, and we can get that," He spoke as he grabbed Adam's cap from where it rest upon the couch where she threw it in her fit of anger, and held it out to her. "I can tell you all day that you look just as beautiful as you did a few days ago but it only matters if you believe it too. I just want you to be comfortable. I wasn't trying to rush you, or anything, I just wanted to help," He said sincerely, and as Clare gingerly took the cap from him, running her fingers over the fabric with a sigh.

"I know you did," She said, smiling softly up at him sadly. "I just..A lot came flooding out all at once I guess," She laughed sheepishly, wiping her eyes with the back of her hand as she placed the cap back over her head.

"Better than keeping it in, anyway."

"Suppose so," She said with a sniffle.

Eli didn't say anything at first, her words still echoing in his thoughts. Her fears, her worries—all surrounding death and they were enough to make the room around him spin. However, he wasn't going to let her fears become his own. He'd stand his grown on his faith.

"Regardless of how this progresses, how you look, whatever—we're all in your corner fighting with you." He smiled, and so did she.

"I know."

He paused for only a moment before becoming serious, green meeting blue.

"You're going to be okay, you know." He said as if it were a simple fact, like it was something he believed more than any other word he had ever uttered. He didn't know what he would do if she didn't.

She reached up and cupped his face in her hands, letting her thumb stroke his cheek before leaning up to press a kiss to his forehead. He smiled at the affectionate gesture, closing his eyes.

She wasn't so sure about his optimism, though. She just gave him a hopeful, hesitant smile as she pulled away from him.

"I hope you're right."

And after fighting for her life month in and month out, her friends and family at her side—He was finally right.


End file.
